Non-resistance

Acceptance.  Allowing.  It goes by many names.  

Today I got a big assed piece of lasagna.  I mean really, really, really big.  I thought at first that my perpetual skinniness made the cafeteria lady sorry for me – that she wanted to fatten me up.   Not so.  She reminded me of a time I commented about paying $5.00 for 4 meatballs and a cookie.  Seriously!  Those were some expensive meatballs.  She said that she had mistakenly rang up something else that was written on the non-carbon form (probably something someone in front of me had ordered) and wanted to make things right.  So here I am now with lasagna for two – FREE lasagna for two.

I remember that day.  My favorite short order cook was in the kitchen.  He sings and hums over the food.  How could he not be my favorite?   I had ordered meatballs off-menu (patient food) which he served with a flourish and a smile.   After paying, I had gone back to him and said good-humoredly “$5.00 for 4 meatballs?  We’ll settle later.”

He was the one who later told the cafeteria lady that I had not gotten the other item she had charged me for.   I truly did not care.  He had always been good to me – sometimes adding avocado and other niceties to my protein burger.   I joked about the expensive food and forgot about it.  Non-resistant.

Sometimes I want to control things.  Ahem…most of the time…OK, OK – ALL THE TIME I want to control things.  This was a great lesson in just leaving things alone, just letting it be, letting go.   The reward of my non-resistance was equivalent to 2 free meals and I suspect that now the kitchen folk will try harder to fatten me up as I was so nice about it. 

I moved recently and there were things in the real estate/bank transaction that I resisted and was still in resistance about.   I had also been feeling some resistant energy towards my realtor/friend.  In bed this morning I even asked myself and whoever was listening “How can I just allow?  Why am I feeling this resistance?” 

Today the answer came in an unexpected way.  There doesn’t always have to be a ‘why’ or a ‘how to’.  I know that now.  Just Do It – (I hope I don’t get sued by the Swoosh).   I did not allow the meatball overcharge purely for the anticipated future rewards.  I did it because it felt good to let it go.   Resistance feels shitty.  Period. Once I got the lesson I replied to an email my realtor/friend had sent me over a week ago.

I felt and saw the energy of my resistance like a shield blocking ALL I desire – not just what I am in resistance about.   I have been feeling that block a lot lately, like I am anticipating something I am not quite ready for.  Like a child fighting sweet slumber, resisting is my way to keep the new at bay.   It will overtake me, I know,   and the transition will be chaotic if I stay in resistance.   So, today, I let go.

Enjoying the lasagna, I shudder to think what would have happened if I had bitched about the overcharge in the cafeteria.  I might have gotten special lasagna – made of mouse. 

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About Courtni

Nurse, healer, artist and deep thinker ...
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2 Responses to Non-resistance

  1. Roger Schwartz says:

    Fun read… sounds like you are doing great… best of luck… pura vida… ;)))

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