Acceptance. Allowing. It goes by many names.
Today I got a big assed piece of lasagna. I mean really, really, really big. I thought at first that my perpetual skinniness made the cafeteria lady sorry for me – that she wanted to fatten me up. Not so. She reminded me of a time I commented about paying $5.00 for 4 meatballs and a cookie. Seriously! Those were some expensive meatballs. She said that she had mistakenly rang up something else that was written on the non-carbon form (probably something someone in front of me had ordered) and wanted to make things right. So here I am now with lasagna for two – FREE lasagna for two.
I remember that day. My favorite short order cook was in the kitchen. He sings and hums over the food. How could he not be my favorite? I had ordered meatballs off-menu (patient food) which he served with a flourish and a smile. After paying, I had gone back to him and said good-humoredly “$5.00 for 4 meatballs? We’ll settle later.”
He was the one who later told the cafeteria lady that I had not gotten the other item she had charged me for. I truly did not care. He had always been good to me – sometimes adding avocado and other niceties to my protein burger. I joked about the expensive food and forgot about it. Non-resistant.
Sometimes I want to control things. Ahem…most of the time…OK, OK – ALL THE TIME I want to control things. This was a great lesson in just leaving things alone, just letting it be, letting go. The reward of my non-resistance was equivalent to 2 free meals and I suspect that now the kitchen folk will try harder to fatten me up as I was so nice about it.
I moved recently and there were things in the real estate/bank transaction that I resisted and was still in resistance about. I had also been feeling some resistant energy towards my realtor/friend. In bed this morning I even asked myself and whoever was listening “How can I just allow? Why am I feeling this resistance?”
Today the answer came in an unexpected way. There doesn’t always have to be a ‘why’ or a ‘how to’. I know that now. Just Do It – (I hope I don’t get sued by the Swoosh). I did not allow the meatball overcharge purely for the anticipated future rewards. I did it because it felt good to let it go. Resistance feels shitty. Period. Once I got the lesson I replied to an email my realtor/friend had sent me over a week ago.
I felt and saw the energy of my resistance like a shield blocking ALL I desire – not just what I am in resistance about. I have been feeling that block a lot lately, like I am anticipating something I am not quite ready for. Like a child fighting sweet slumber, resisting is my way to keep the new at bay. It will overtake me, I know, and the transition will be chaotic if I stay in resistance. So, today, I let go.
Enjoying the lasagna, I shudder to think what would have happened if I had bitched about the overcharge in the cafeteria. I might have gotten special lasagna – made of mouse.